My fellow countramen,

I stand on a platform of change – change tracking, change data capture, and all events audited.

I stand on a platform that’s scalable - with filtered indexes, reducing the taxing burden of IO with data compression and better utilization of partitioned tables.

As a federalist, I stand for distributed partitioned views.

And I challenge the countra to move past our previous scalar limitations.

I stand for SQL Server 2008.

My name is Paul Nielsen and I approved this message.

now, add your own DBA political rhetoric, and remember this is all in good fun.